Labels and Definitions

At this stage in my journey I am no longer comfortable calling the person I live with “husband”. He hasn’t fitted the definition of this for a long time but I really didn’t own the more honest label of partner. I think he likes the husband label, I think for him it’s like an old teddy or a blanket from childhood that sits somewhere and smells of all that is familiar and innocent. For me it’s just a continuous reminder of what I am not owning up to.

So I choose to change my language in the blog. My writing helps me identify with the different changes as they come. I will refer to my partner and see how that sits with me. Right now it feels a bit bland and distant. But maybe that’s just me.

At the first support group meeting my partner went to each person in the room introduced themselves by their name and their pronoun. He has a name but had never thought about the pronoun. It blew him away. My partner is still thinking about this 7 weeks on. How complicated life is when a pronoun isn’t just a natural happenstance of existence. I watched the mental torture and suggested abbreviating a name to a letter in the short term. Both the name of his masculine self and the name of his feminine self start with the same letter. This short term solution filled him with utter delight.

Now I’m worried that by giving him this solution he can continue to avoid the central question that owning your own pronoun poses.

Who are you Really Who are you?